I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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