My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
