I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
