Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
