I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
