Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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