So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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