just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
