Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize