end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
