People with herpes should wear stickers.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
