So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
