I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
