Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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