i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
