I CAN MOONWALK!
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
