I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
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