sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
