so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
