We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
