he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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