doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
