why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
