you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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