Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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