Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
