i was born a porn star she said
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
