if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
