He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Dear god my vagina.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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