You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
