never play flip cup with pint glasses
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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