he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize