I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
