She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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