Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So squirting runs in the family.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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