I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize