my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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