Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
