I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
