i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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