Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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