Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
