you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
