I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
