i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
