Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
