Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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