Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
