PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Boobs are out for the taking
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
