It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
