i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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