stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
