Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
