I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
