You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
