Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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