My Higher Power is John Stamos
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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