dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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