He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
