I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize