Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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