i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
