i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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