Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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