This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
