You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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