yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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