fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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