i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
