I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize