Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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