Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She needs sedatives and a leash
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
