dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My penis needs a shock collar
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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