I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
