The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize