hotel room ftw
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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