I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
