we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
