I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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