I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
